Feel Better
by flawlesspeasant
Summary: After an unexpected accident occurs, Alex is forced to confront his feelings for Jo as he waits to see if she survives. ONESHOT.


**This is based off another prompt I received on tumblr. It's not the most realistic thing I've ever written, but it's full of angsty, Jolex goodness. Hope you guys like it! :)**

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A small, bony hand rests on my shoulder and gives it a gentle yet supportive squeeze. I don't have to turn my head to know who it is. The first three times she came to check on me, I always turned my head to see who it was that periodically came in to check on me. After the third time, I just stopped looking to see who it was because it was the same person each time. She startles me a little bit this time because I didn't even hear her come in. I was probably too caught up in listening to the monitors to realize she came in. "You should really go home." Her voice is soft and soothing, just like a mother's voice should be. I don't know why but for some reason, Mere's voice helps calm me down a little bit. It's not soothing enough to make me want to get up and leave but it helps take the edge off. This is the fifth time she's come in to try and get me to leave and all five times she's been unsuccessful. You would think she'd stop trying by now and realize that I'm not going anywhere. That's how she got in this situation in the first place. I acted like she didn't need me, I went away and less than an hour after I left her, she winds up in here. "Alex, it's going on six hours. It probably won't be tonight...you should really try to get some rest." I shake my head and rest my chin against the sidebars of the bed, trying my hardest to ignore Meredith's half-desperate attempts to get me to leave. I'm not going anywhere...not until I know she's okay. She finally shuts up but she doesn't take her hand off my shoulder and I appreciate that. She's the only one that's really supported me. Not that Yang hasn't come in and offered support because she has; but Mere's the only one that's been in here constantly making sure I'm alright. She rubs my back in a circle then takes her hand away. "...I'll check back in a little while." I nod my head.

Mere closes the curtain behind her when she leaves and it's just the two of us alone again. The slow beeping of the many machines she's hooked up to are completely in sync with each other, creating a rhythm that makes me feel better knowing that her breathing is even and her heartbeat is steady. Her heartbeat wasn't steady when she first got here so within the last six hours, she's made some real progress. She's still not breathing on her own but that's only because her blood pressure's still pretty low while her white and red blood cells are still building back up. Once she wakes up, she should be able to breathe without the ventilator. I know I probably shouldn't because she's not mine, but I can't just sit here without touching her any longer. So I gently ease my hand up underneath of hers and stroke her knuckles with my thumb. It's comforting to feel the warmth of her skin against mine...it lets me know that she's okay. When her skin gets cold is when I have to worry. Bailey told me that I shouldn't touch her or do anything that could disturb her but anyone that knows me knows that I have an issue with following rules. If I was laid up in a hospital bed like this, I'd want someone to touch and caress me and I assume she's no different. After all, we're practically the same person.

I use my index finger and trace her neatly trimmed fingernails. Her long, thick brunette hair is resting in gentle, tousled waves around her chest. Her eyes are closed so softly that she genuinely looks as if she's peacefully asleep. Underneath her right eye is a nasty, deep purple bruise that looks like she just colored on her eyeliner with purple marker. She has a little bit of dried blood around her nostril and I reach out to clean it off but pull my hand back as I realize that I probably won't be able to get it since she has a tube running up both her nostrils and clamped behind her ears. She's beautiful, that's for sure. There was never a time I thought she wasn't. Even now, black eyed and bloodied, I think she's beautiful. When I look at her, I don't even notice the black eye or the bloody nose. The only indication that she needs to be here is the thick white bandaging around her left shoulder and her left chest. I reach up and smooth her hair back, away from her face.

This is actually my fault. I never should've left her the way I did. I knew something was up but I just ignored it. She's been telling me all week to "stay out of her business" and "keep my mouth shut" so I listened to her. I minded my own business and I kept my mouth shut, even though I knew I should've went in and intervened. She wouldn't be in this situation if I had been there, that's for damn sure. Me and Avery were just leaving for the night. We walked past a conference room and heard both her and Peckwell screaming at each other and it sounded like it was bad but I remembered her telling me to stay out of her life. So I ignored the screaming match they were in and left to grab a drink at Joe's with Avery. Just as me and Avery were getting in our cars to drive down the street to the bar's parking lot, she stormed out of the hospital and got into her own car. She seemed fine though. She really seemed fine. I fix the tube in her nose and squeeze her hand a little tighter to let her know that I'm here. I wasn't there for her when she needed me to be there for her but I'm here now. I'm here now.

I pinch the bridge of my nose and take a deep breath to calm myself down. My knuckles have specs of dried blood on them but that's not bothering me. The only thing the blood on my knuckles is doing is making me remember that I took care of my own business. She was completely conscious when she first came into the emergency room. I could tell that since she was bleeding out so much, she was beginning to get weaker and lose consciousness by the moment but she was lucid enough to tell us what happened. She was a little bit staggered, of course, so the story was choppy but I got the gist of it. She broke up with him after their loud argument. She stormed out of the hospital after she broke it off with him. He was pissed that she broke up with him. She went home to pack up her stuff so she could get out of the apartment they shared together after she broke up with him. They argued again and he pushed her against the wall by her throat. She kneed him in the balls and he punched her in her face. She grabbed the bag she managed to pack and tried to get out of the apartment once again and he told her that their relationship wasn't over. She insisted that she was leaving and said that she never wanted to speak to him again. He pulled a pocket knife out on her and when she turned to run from him, he got her...right in her chest and her shoulder. He stabbed her four times before the cops got there. I guess his neighbors heard all the screaming from the initial argument and called the cops immediately. The cops got there just as he pulled the knife out.

I just keep thinking...what if his neighbors weren't home? What if the police got there a minute later? He stabbed her four times in her chest and shoulder...he had every intention on killing her. He obviously wanted her dead. What if he had succeeded? Bailey said the stab wounds were about an inch and a half deep. Not deep enough to puncture any of the major arteries that lead to her heart, but deep enough for her to lose more than half of her blood volume. He can say that it was an accident, he can say that he didn't mean to hurt her, that it was self-defense...he can say whatever he wants. But he stabbed her four times. How much is self-defending could you possibly need to do against a girl as petite as Jo? And she's not stupid, she would've backed down after he pulled out the knife. She was defenseless. Somewhere along the lines of stabbing someone four times, you decide to attempt to kill that person. If you're not trying to hurt someone or if you didn't mean to do it, you only stab that person once...for god's sake. But he stabbed her four different times. He tried to kill her, there's no doubt in my mind about that fact.

I lean forward and plant a kiss on her temple. Again, I know I probably shouldn't do anything to her considering the fact that she's not mine by any means, but I deeply care for Jo. I didn't realize how much I cared for her until I got paged back to the hospital, seven hours ago. My shift ended seven hours ago and I was getting ready to have a drink with Jackson when I heard my pager go off. I checked it and saw that it was Mere paging me 911. I knew it had to be serious because Mere knew that I was off already. She wouldn't have paged me 911 after I got off work if it wasn't serious. So I put a hold on my drink and rushed back to the hospital. When I got there, they were in a trauma room trying to get her to stop bleeding. She coded in the ambulance on the way to the hospital but she was stable when they brought her in. She was crying when I went in the trauma room and she was telling everyone—not just me—the story...of how they argued, she broke up with him, he went all, "If I can't have you, nobody else can have you" and stabbed her four times with a switchblade pocket knife. They had to take her to surgery to stop the bleeding and she's been unconscious ever since.

The point is...I didn't know how much I loved this girl until I saw all her blood on the floor of the trauma room and felt my knees go weak at the realization that today could very well have been her last day of life. I sat in the gallery, watching Bailey and Mere effortlessly stop her from bleeding out. I sat there crying, replaying what she said over and over again in my head. Replaying that he pulled out a knife on her, he stabbed her...and then he fled the scene. They brought her back to the recovery room when her surgery was done and I sat in there with her. It started dawning on me that I think I love this intern that isn't even my girlfriend. I only thought that I loved her at this point, though. I bring myself out of my thoughts and look back at Jo, so helpless, unconscious and still so very angelically beautiful. What pushes me back into my thoughts is when I look down and see the blood on my hands again. The blood doesn't belong to her. Nope, it belongs to him.

He had the audacity to show up in the recovery room, crying and begging to know if she was okay. The AUDACITY of him to show up. He STABBED her and showed up to see if she was okay? It was at that moment that it became clear to me that I not only love Jo, but I'm in love with her. The moment that I saw him from the corner of my eye show up at her bedside, I sprung up and all I remember is punching and punching and punching and punching...then I remember kicking. I blacked out. I blacked out and all I remember saying is, "You tried to fucking kill her...I'm gonna fucking kill you." Somewhere along the lines, both Mere and Cristina pulled me off of him. Mere was screaming at me, saying, "Alex, you're gonna get arrested!" and I just remember not giving a damn. And that right there is how I know that I'm in love with this intern. The fact that I don't give a damn about jail time. The fact that I will willingly take life in prison for killing this man, as long as he hurts the way he hurt her. I love Jo...and that's how I know I love her.

Anyway, Peckwell's in surgery right now and the cops are waiting for him to wake up from surgery before they talk to any of us. I still might go to jail for kicking the shit out of that man but as long as Jo wakes up alright and he wakes up in the most unbearable amount of pain he can ever possibly imagine...well, I don't care what happens to me. I always knew that the son of a bitch was going to end up hurting her in some way. I always thought that he would emotionally hurt her, though. I never thought he'd have the balls to physically hurt her. What a coward move to pull out a knife on her though. She was trying to leave, run away from him...and he stabbed her. How much of a pansy do you have to be to do that to a girl?

"...Alex?" I can barely make out the whispered sound of her voice, but I heard it. I definitely heard it. I lift my head up and look at her. She has her eyes open and I can tell by the contour of her eyebrows that she's in some degree of pain. She lifts her right hand up since the left side of her body is medically paralyzed so it can heal correctly and swats at the tube in her mouth. I stand up and gently peel the tape off her cheek so I can take the tube out, since she can apparently breathe without it. "...Alex." She whimpers in pain.

"Shh." I softly tug the tube and pull it out of her throat.

"You stayed..." Her lips weakly tug up into a smile.

"I'm not going anywhere." I push her hair back away from her face again. "You need to rest...you want some water?" I make sure the tube is still securely in her nose though, because it's delivering extra oxygen and since her blood pressure is still in the tank, I want her to continue with extra oxygen. "You in pain? You need more morphine?" She slowly shakes her head and closes her eyes again. She's still groggy from all the pain medications they pumped her full of. "Okay...just rest."

"Wait..." She whispers.

"Shh...rest." I adjust the tube behind her ears so she doesn't roll over and pull it out on accident.

"Are you still gonna be here when I wake up again?"

"I'm not going anywhere."


End file.
